It’s possible that dealing with a narcissist could leave you feeling completely exhausted. It’s possible that you’re eagerly anticipating the day when you’ll finally take back some control in this relationship. Therefore, is there anything you can do to improve the current state of affairs? Yes, there is, and we are here to assist you in any way we can. We have sought the advice of psychologists to discover all of the most effective methods for putting an end to a narcissist’s behavior. Continue reading for a complete rundown of the tactics we’ve compiled to thwart the advances of narcissists.
A conversation that we had with our licensed professional clinical counselor, Jay Reid, LPCC, served as the basis for this piece. You may read the complete interview by clicking here. How To Checkmate A Narcissist?
Establish and strictly uphold the limits.
If you give them the opportunity, narcissists will consume all of your time and energy. These individuals often see the relationships they have with their friends and contacts as a method of advancing their own personal objectives; thus, it is necessary for you to establish boundaries for them. Clearly explain the limits you have set. Then, be sure to always hold this individual responsible for their actions if they go over the line.
Take, for instance: “I am unable to be at your disposal around the clock. You have no choice but to believe me when I tell you that I’m swamped with work. You are not permitted to just come to my home and start yelling at me until I give in.”
When it is essential, be sure to enforce your boundaries: “I did tell you that I needed to study this evening. You will not be able to visit here. Even if it causes tension between us, I have to prioritize my education.”
If it’s essential, you should also establish limits for yourself. Keep in mind that narcissists will continue to take advantage of each opportunity that presents themselves.
Limit your responses.
Narcissists get their sense of self-worth from their ability to provoke and control other people. If they are unable to manage your conduct, their new objective will be to only provoke an angry response from you in the event that this is the case. To defeat a narcissist, you must first make it impossible for them to succeed. Despite how difficult it may be, you should make an effort to show very little or even no emotion when dealing with someone who screams at you, manipulates you, or belittles you.
Even if it is obvious that they are being hypocritical or judgemental, you should avoid responding defensively. Keep your face as expressionless as possible if at all feasible.
Though the narcissist persists in trying to generate additional drama, you should just maintain eye contact with them, continue with what you were doing, and seem as if what they are saying is perfectly natural.
Any narcissist who tries this will end up frustrated. What, no response? They’ll get the sudden impression that they have no control at all. And with that, we’ve reached the point where it’s checkmate!
Be mindful of what you say in their presence.
Narcissists will use everything you say against you and use it as a weapon. If you’ve ever had to deal with a narcissist, you probably already know the answer to this question. Every seemingly innocuous remark you make is being recorded, and sooner or later, it will all come back to haunt you. Be careful of the things you say while you’re with this particular individual so that you can prevent them from doing this. When they ask you questions about yourself, provide replies that are vague and restricted. Redirect the attention of the discussion back onto them as often as you can. They have a bloated sense of their own importance, so it shouldn’t be too difficult to manipulate them in this way.
When you’re feeling unhappy, it’s extremely vital to remember this. It is best not to speak condescendingly to them or make sweeping assumptions about them. Try not to give in to your emotions and allow them control you.
They will feel powerless in their attempts to influence you if the narcissist has fewer resources at their disposal from which to draw. This is the strategy you should use to defeat a narcissist.
Make use of terms that will stop them in their tracks.
Maintain your impartiality but do not take responsibility in a dispute with a narcissist. Narcissists are seeking to project their problems onto you, gaslight you, or attack you, thus it is important that you answer in a level-headed and calm manner. Maintain your composure and wisdom. Because of this, it will be quite difficult to disagree with the points you make. In the same vein, it does not point the finger of guilt in your direction. Consider using one of the following phrases:
“I’m sorry that you have such thoughts,” you said.
“I have no right to have any influence on how you see me.”
“I have no choice but to accept how you are feeling.”
“I am not responsible for the anger you feel against me.”
Keep a balanced and objective perspective on this individual.
If you allow them, narcissists will captivate you, disarm you, and injure you; however, this only occurs if you let them. When you first meet a narcissist, they may give off the impression that they are charming and easy to talk to. They will, however, show their real colors when some time has passed. Maintaining a healthy perspective on a narcissist is essential to maintaining your control over them, even if they put on a show of charming themselves. If you need assistance understanding this, think about how this individual interacts with other people. Regarding how they behave toward their family and friends, do you respect or appreciate them?
Because you are seeing this person objectively, you are reducing the amount of power that they have on you. If you are aware that the words they speak have no meaning, then you are immune to the effects of those words. This is how you win against a narcissist while they are engaged in their favorite activity.
Don’t give in to the want to validate me.
More than anything else, narcissists are looking for acceptance and prestige in their relationships. They are likely to make winning your respect and appreciation their top objective in the context of their connection with you; yet, when they are unable to achieve this goal, they will turn to bullying and manipulation. Narcissists are incapable of giving back, no matter how much praise they get; they are only interested in getting what they want. Therefore, refrain from stroking their ego. If a narcissist is obviously displaying their abilities for the purpose of receiving admiration from you, change the subject: ” “I guess that makes sense. I’ve to flee, sorry. I’m late!”
Refusing to validate others’ experiences is an effective way to reclaim your authority. Not only does it make the narcissist angry, but it also enables you to establish a crucial boundary for yourself in your relationship.
Radiate confidence and poise.
You may have greater influence on a narcissist by demonstrating the value you bring to the relationship. Someone who puts status above all else does this, and confidence plays a significant part in how others see our standing in the eyes of others. Therefore, particularly when you are in groups, focus on exuding charm and elegance.
You might still give the impression that you are confident even if you don’t really feel that way. Maintain eye contact, stand with good posture, smile often, resist the need to fidget, and talk loudly and clearly.
Make an effort to fill your life with positive energy by associating with positive individuals. Be on the lookout for people that can both inspire you and put you in a relaxed state of mind all at the same time.
You will acquire control over a narcissist when they see you working the room and get jealous of your success. You possess something that others cannot live without, and you attained it through the practice of optimism and compassion (not lies and manipulation).
Participate in their team.
Befriend rather than oppose them if you want to maintain control over the relationship over the long run. It’s possible that you’ll come to the conclusion that it’s not worth your time to go to battle with this individual, and that you’d rather simply avoid any potential future assaults. Make your successes their successes instead of withholding affirmation from them. Although narcissists may not care about you, they are very concerned with their own achievements. Therefore, make sure that your success is also their success.
Inquire about their recommendations. Make it clear that you place a high value on their input. The next step is to ensure that they are aware that you have implemented their recommendations.
Participate in a cooperative endeavor, whether it is a project, a task, or even a group game. They will see you as less of a danger if you bring your interests into alignment with theirs.
Make lighthearted remarks about the ways in which the two of you are involved in the same endeavors: “My impression is that the two of us make a powerful team. Without your help, I would not have been able to accomplish my goal.”
Be aware that this strategy entails playing on their ego in some way. Consequently, it would be counterproductive to utilize this strategy in conjunction with another recommendation that includes withholding praise.
Develop a solid idea of who you are as a person.
Narcissists will lie to you and manipulate you in order to distort your perception of reality. They are making a valiant effort to preserve their own grandiose goals, and in order to get you on board with their scheme, they are not hesitant to gaslight you. Your ability to deflect their manipulation increases when you have faith in your own ideas, emotions, and ideals.
Consider both the positive and negative aspects of your character. Beginning a daily diary might assist you in delving deeper into many aspects of self-exploration.
Put yourself in environments with real and positive individuals. Spending time with people who are not aware of the narcissist in your life may also be quite beneficial. Maintaining ties with others outside of the narcissist is essential to establishing your identity after leaving them.
The more perspectives you get from the outside and the more strength you discover inside yourself, the less influence this narcissist will have on you. In a short amount of time, their insults will become nothing more than a mild inconvenience. You will have the upper hand if you do that.
Go no contact.
If the connection is taking a toll on you, it may be time to sever ties with this individual. If you have tried establishing limits, but this connection still makes you feel empty, nervous, or even merely unhappy, it may be time to sever the ties that bind you to it. Keeping the faith that this person may develop into a better person isn’t doing your happiness any favors; rather, it’s doing the narcissist’s. Stop talking to this individual, even if doing so seems like it will be an uphill battle.
You will probably discover that avoiding any contact with the narcissist is beneficial to your situation. Therefore, remove their phone from your contact list and block them across all of your social media networks.
Choose a method of communication that is not too personal, such as sending an email, if this is someone with whom you are required to maintain contact.
If you believe you may have problems sticking to your rule of no contact, it is a good idea to write down all of the reasons why you severed ties with the person in question. The next time you find yourself tempted to return, you may simply remind yourself of the reasons you decided to leave.
Get over it.
After having to cope with a narcissist, you have earned the right to put yourself first. Since the first time you met this person, you’ve probably focused a lot of your time, energy, and effort on them; but, now that you’re moving on, you should concentrate on yourself. After being subjected to gaslighting, falsehoods, and manipulation, you can be feeling exhausted or disconnected from who you are as a person. Get in touch with a mental health professional if you feel like you need assistance processing what has happened.
Get in touch with your interests, your hobbies, and your core principles.
Take care of yourself first. You could find that practicing meditation, yoga, or other types of exercise helps.
How do you outsmart a narcissist?
Put some distance between yourself and them in order to cut off their narcissistic supply.
Take your time getting well.
Accept responsibility for the role you played in a disagreement.
Respond with empathetic understanding and respect.
Pretend not to notice them while you are around them.
Get out of their way and ignore what they’re saying.
Establish and strictly uphold the limits.
How do you make a narcissist fear losing you?
Narcissists have a severe phobia of being alone themselves, and their biggest concern is being abandoned. They will grow fearful of losing you if you establish clear boundaries or do not respond to their chaotic manipulation, even though they may never acknowledge this to you.
What upsets a narcissist the most?
Even when what they seek is irrational, they do not succeed in getting what they want. They have the impression that criticism has been leveled at them, despite the fact that the criticism may have been helpful or friendly. They aren’t the focus of everyone’s attention. They have been discovered disobeying instructions or not adhering to limits.
What drives a narcissist insane?
A narcissist’s goal is to elicit powerful emotional reactions from others around them. It makes no difference at all how you are feeling, whether you are heartbroken or incensed. They only want to have the satisfaction of knowing that they were the ones who brought it about.